
Saturday, April 18. The dashboard thermometers on all of those mall-shopping, car-pooling, mulch-fetching vehicles scurrying about the NY metropolitan area dallied with the numerals 8 and 0. Today, April 20, those same digital snippets will be lucky to begin with a 5. The moral of the story is, there is hardly any such thing as an average day.
Tales that begin, "It was an average day in ____, just like any other", are cheating the reader out of the critical texture that makes the tale worth telling.
There is certainly no such thing as an average person.
When parents or teachers describe a child as an "average" student, they're being lazy or hiding something.
And so on.
The law of averages is an expedient. Average anything simply provides a snapshot to those whose inquiry is limited by an absence of time, need or curiosity. No detail. No grain.
Synonyms for average? Normal. Conventional. Typical. Boring.
Average bugs me, if you didn't guess already. (Keep in mind that I am not consulting a dictionary in the writing of this post. I am writing what I think and feel.)
That's why I love the idea of the VIX, the Chicago Board Options Exchange Index. It's a measure of the volatility one can expect in the stock options world.
I don't mean to say that I really understand the underlying math or the machinations of options trading. I just like the idea that the VIX seems to be a more honest means of evaluating what things like April weather in the Northeast hold in store.
Why not an M (for meteorological) VIX on the 6 o'clock weather? Or an EduVIX for measuring student performance? Maybe they're already out there (probably in Las Vegas, the probabilistic center of the universe.)
Our seemingly natural tendency to identify the average in everything is understandable if you subscribe to the notion that people need something they can expect in all aspects of their lives. If it's April 20th in New York, four graders who tend to read at an (x.x) grade level should wear a sweater against the average high temperature of xx degrees.
Slicing it finer, they know when to leave home for their four block walk because it takes an average amount of time to traverse the distance factoring in stoplights, distractions from friends and general dawdling. Putting numbers on such things can get you federal funding for a traffic volume study.
Having determined what the average child prefers to eat, the school lunch will provide a form of that, based on what kids who bring their lunch bring on average, and within constraints set out by oversight authorities that know what the average 10 year-old body needs to function. Hence, the insane popularity of Yellow American and Bologna on White.
Of course, some averages are truly telling. Being able to produce a base hit one out of three times when facing 95 mile per hour pitches will get you into the Baseball Hall of Fame. In that case, average is a real barometer of difficulty. I get that.
I just feel the need to squint when "average" is applied to things that should not so reducible. That makes life smoother, less textured. Like retirement in Florida. Years pass by unnoticed. Fluctuations are flattened. Variations vanish.
I like a visual, emotional, intellectual VIX to keep me in the moment, on my toes. Admittedly, there are times when such a state of affairs makes it difficult to rest easy. But I would rather face up to the real-time roller coaster of real life before I rest in peace.